The butcher with the pigs’ feet

I’ve worked in a butchery for quite some time before I started working as a nurse (from one type of meat to an other…). Many customers thought they were very funny, when, really, they were not. This story is about one very annoying customer.

Our butchery was located in a grocery store. My boss hired the butchery from the store owner. I only started working in this location a few weeks before, but had worked in another butchery for the same boss for years.

Customer: “Butcher, do you have pigs’ feet?”
Me: “No sir, but I can order them if you’d like.”
Customer: “That won’t be necessary.” And he leaves.
A few days later, the same thing happens again. And it keeps happening twice a week for the next 3 months. Every time it’s the same customer. I try to keep being polite, but my answer shortens to a sighed “No”.

After 3 months of this obvious joke, which I’m not going to get along with, I’ve had enough. I decide to play my own joke. I call our supplier and ask for a pair of off-cut pigs’ feet. I explain why I need them and ask if they can provide a pair that can’t be sold for free. The supplier agrees. So the next morning, along with the rest of our order, a pair of pigs’ feet, neatly wrapped in foil, is delivered. I can see they’re no off-cuts, just beautiful pigs’ feet. But the receipt says I got them for free, so I’m happy with that. I place them on the counter and wait for the customer to show up.

When he does the usual game begins again.
Customer: “Butcher, do you have pigs’ feet?”
Me: “As a matter of fact, I’ve got them right… Here.”
I hold up the package containing the two pig’s feet. I make my way around the counter and practically push the feet in his face. He shreaks and tries to run off.
Me: “I ordered them especially for you, since you’re coming here twice weeks for the last three months. And every time you say you don’t want them…” By this time I’ve got him cornered.
Me: “…But since you keep asking for them I’ve gone ahead and ordered them for you.”
Customer: “But I…I… I don’t want them. It was a joke.”
Me: “A joke… Geez, how funny is that. Harrasing a butcher for three months. What a joke.”
Customer: “I thought it was funny, but you never said the right answer.”
Me: “You thought it was okay to come in here twice a week. To ask me every time if I had pig’s feet? For three months? You think that’s funny?”
By this time there’s a nice crowd watching. And I think the time is right to make my final move. I shove the pig’s feet in his jacket.
Me: “Now get out and take your damn pigs’ feet with you!”

The customer practically runs from the store. The package falls on the ground and I grab the package. I calmly walk around the counter again, while lots of the people who watched start laughing at this ridiculous guy.

Another customer comes up to me and asks for the package. She says she remembers her mother making soup from it and would really like to buy them. I give her the package and insist she takes it for free. I then go and grab a cup of tea. When I come back there’s a note and a tablet of my favourite chocolate on the counter.

I’ve gone ahead and asked around what you’re favourite chocolate was. I figured you needed it after all those months of trolling.

My faith in humanity got restored a bit by that note.

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