2 Little Known Syndromes Regarding Cars

Today I thought I’d tell you about two syndromes that affect drivers on our roads. We all seen the symptoms, but the underlying syndromes are less known.

Firstly I’d like to discuss the “small penis syndrome”. Sufferers of this syndrome are male. despite the name it affects more areas of the body then just the nether region.
The first symptom is a very heavy right foot. This results in high speeds, mainly in urban areas.
The second symptom is short sightedness. This results in the patient driving very close behind you, giving you the feeling he’s on your backseat.
The third symptom is partial blindness. The patient thinks he’s making beautiful adjustments to their car, but in fact it’s looking like crap. it also affects the view that they might have on their speedometer.
The fourth symptom is aggression. The patient will become aggressive if there’s someone in front of him who doesn’t suffer from the partial blindness and the very heavy right foot. This can result in road rage.
The fifth symptom is trouble with understanding symbols. This can be anything from unable to read road signs to the inability to proper lighting on their car. You can spot them from miles as they mainly are driving with their foglights on, even when it’s not foggy.
The sixth and final symptom is a small penis. This might not be obvious at first, but just take a good look at their car. There are a few car brands that are popular with patients that suffer this illness. The most obvious brands are the Hummer and BMW. Of course there are more brands that patients can drive whilst suffering this illness.

CarSpoiler

The second syndrome is more common in female drivers. There’s still no good name for it, so I’ll call it the “thinking your car is twice as long and twice as wide as it really is syndrome”.
This illness has much fewer symptoms.
The main symptom is unable to park your car properly. Most patients will have huge difficulties parking their car. Even when a parking spot is three times the size of their car they simply can’t get their car in. We all know at least one patient that is suffering from this.
Patients will simply think their car is huge, even though it’s small. Like a chihuahua who thinks he’s an Irish Wolfhound.
They also have trouble overtaking other cars. They’ll go to the other lane miles before they’ve caught up with the car in front of them and they’ll stay in that lane for miles, long after they’ve left the other car behind them.

BadParking

Both syndromes have symptoms in common. But they least known symptom they have in common is one that I refer to as the “Go step on a Lego” symptom. Whenever a patient is on the road, other road users, many of whom are not suffering these syndromes, are irritated by patients. They’ll get this last symptom and shout out “Go step on a Lego!” whenever a patient crosses their path. A second phrase that can be heard regularly (and is more harsh than the first) is: “I hope they use Comic Sans on your gravestone!”

I sincerely hope that next time, when you are on the road and you’re coming across a patient, you’ll take a deep breath and think about how much the patient is suffering under his illness. Don’t be too harsh on him or her. Try to help them by talking to them and telling them you understand their problems. Tell them help is out there. They should seek help. There are lots of driving schools that are happy to take on problem cases like this. Even if they already have their driving license. A few more lessons wouldn’t hurt them…

BadParking2
This is a rare sighting of a person who suffers from both syndromes. Picture by pokeweed.

Site stats 2012

I’m pretty happy with how things worked out for my blog in 2012.

I had 297 unique visitors.
My blog was visited a total of 1162 times.
The best day had 89 views.
I’ve had 154 comments this year.
My best read post is: My love with 68 views and 9 comments.
Most of my readers are living in the US.
The people who most visit my blog live in London and (funny enough) my hometown (must be me).
Most people use Firefox or Chrome.
Funniest searches that found my blog include: “Alistair Appleton nude”, “Baby Frouk pics”, “great tits” and “adult thong”. I have no idea why they found my blog…

 

My love

When I peek through the window and see you outside
My heart jumps.
When we are together
I feel so alive.
When I leave you behind for work or for fun
I miss you like crazy.

When I walk towards you
There’s a skip in my step.
I’m always talking to you, touch you
I love you so much.

Now that you’re slowly growing older
I dread the day we will be apart
Please let that day be far from my heart.
I love you so much dear…
You are my car!
Ford Ka

For more posts about Immortalized in Stone, please visit Dailypost.

An AngelFrouk Christmas

Northernmum asked how other bloggers spend their Christmas, so I thought I’d share our Christmas rituals.

Christmas Cat

On Christmas day we usually stay home. We have a nice lie-in til around 9 AM (we are usually up around 6 AM). Then I take my meds and pre-heat the oven. We have breakfast with hot buns, croissants and freshly pressed orange juice. After breakfast I take a shower and we get dressed. Then it’s usually spending time behind the pc, do some gaming or (if the weather’s nice) go for a walk.

Boxing day is usually spend at my parents in law’s. We arrive around 11 AM, have cake and other yummy food. Around 2 PM we go for a walk (if the weather lets us). At 5 PM my sister-in-law and her boyfriend arrive and we sit down for dinner. Sis-in-laws boyfriend usually drinks too much, gets really annoying, so after dinner, if they don’t get out, we go home pretty quick. Funny thing about having dinner at my parents-in-laws is we all get to cook our own food! table barbecue, they call it. I call it laziness (but still love it).

Jumping Jack Birdfeeder

This is one of the birdfeeders I made over the weekend. Simple to make, funny to look at.

What you need:

  • net of peanuts (without the shell)
  • 28 peanuts with shell (drill holes in them)
  • 3 pieces of wire (2 x 30 cm, 1 x 40 cm)
  • small flower-pot
  • ribbon

How to:

Take the 40 cm long wire and fold it in half. Put this through the net. Place the flower-pot on top.
Put the ribbon round the neck area, like a tie.
Take 8 peanut and string them to one wire (30 cm). Do the same with the other wire. Roll up the ends of the wire so the won’t fall off.
Stick the wire through the net. The part with 8 peanuts will be the legs. String 6 peanuts to the other side. Roll up the ends.
Hang it outside in your garden.

That’s it. Simple and easy.

My sister died 140 years ago

A Judge asked the suspect of a minor crime in court:

“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
The suspect told the Judge:
“No, your honor, my only sister died 140 years ago.”
The Judge replied:
“That can’t be right.”
“Oh yes, your honor, it is true.” said the suspect.
“You see, my father married when he was 20 years old. From that marriage he got a daughter, who sadly died only a couple of days after she was born. When my father was 62, his wife died. He married for the second time and 4 years later I was born. I’m now 94, your honor.”

Reblogged and translated from Frisian to english from itnijs.nl.