Thank you for sharing your happy news with us. And your ultrasound pictures.
Thank you for letting us view your bump, preferably in underwear, or better even, nude!
Thank you for making sure we know when you went into labour, how long it took, how painful it was and sharing pictures of the end result. Especially pictures or videos of the birth, the baby only seconds after it came out and pictures of your breasts with or without baby attached.
Thank you for making sure we know about every burp, every cry, every whimper of your precious baby.
Thank you for letting us share in your insomnia, in your dementia (yes, I used that word deliberately) and in your cries for attention.
Thank you for making sure we know when your kid starts walking, talking, eating solid food and when you start potty training. Again, we all need the proof in the pictures.
Thank you for updating us on every single thing your kid has made, done or didn’t do. Especially the naughty stuff like posting pictures of you naked to Facebook (with a link so we can check them out) or painting the walls of the livingroom with peanut butter (are you sure it’s peanut butter?).
Everything you share has made me realise that I never want kids! Kids are the most terrible thing that can happen to you. You won’t ever have one second to yourself. Your whole world revolves around those bloody bastards. All I read is “my kids… nag nag nag, bitch bitch bitch.” Because you are sharing that they keep you awake, that they trashed your only good jumper, they’d set a pair of scissors into your new shoes. They came home covered in mud, dog poo or whatever they could find to bully you with. They found a bag of flour in the kitchen and decided to “bake cookies”. All of this sounds hilarious to me, it really does. Because I’m not the one who has to clean it up! So thank you! For convincing me even more that my choice of not having kids was the right one!
And please, can you put a disclaimer on the ultrasound pictures? Every time I see one of those I lose my appetite…